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Introduction

I don’t know if I should really explain in over a thousand words what has been happening inside of me recently. I just… don’t have really the right mindset to do at the time of writing this.

Furthermore, I feel sad and confused.

Not only that, but I don’t like losing friends, family members, or anybody that I have met ever, and I think that you, the reader, also don’t like that. Also, I want to keep the names private, I don’t care if it is their username or “online alias”, I don’t want to make use of someone’s death to make my posts interesting.

Now that everything has been said, onto the topic of today’s post.

Everyone who knows me in real life (Not as the cool stationarystation) knows that I love making friends with others.

Friends are the ones who help me and care about me without expecting any kind of rewards over caring about someone. I have a lot of friends, some of them are good friends, others are… Well… Friends.

And when something happens to one of my friends, we all come up to help him on his situation, like the good friend group that we are.

But some situations are really complex, more complex than they already look. And going through one of them is rough. Some can overcome them, others just drown and submerge more and more into the depths of the problem, further making the situation worse.

I was in classes, doing classwork, and I decided to check my social media accounts, and found out about someone trying to kill themselves, I was shocked, then I decided to check out the username of the one doing such action.

It was a friend.

Since I was in classes, I tried to calm myself down. I didn’t know how to react to such information, I was confused.

Why would they do that? And then it hit me, all the toots they were sending about giving up and such were a big red flag, which I didn’t know how to respond to.

I was completely defenseless, and in a weird spot too, I was in a state of denial, trying to deny the fact that they did that. But in the other hand, I was also in a state of acceptance, trying my hardest to not cry in the classroom.

Thankfully, that person is alright now, they called emergency services, and apparently they sort out that situation. Which really puts a smile on my face.

But those problems don’t end here. In fact, they are far from over.

Me

I am a 15-year-old, going 16 in 3 months at the time of writing this.

I have a lot to go through, but I don’t think I am getting anywhere. Every time I do something new, something fascinating, it just feels like it’s not going to help anyone and that the whole purpose of it is just to exist.

And I don’t like to make useless things just to throw them away and never touch them again. It’s been part of who I am for a really long time, and I think now is the time to stop doing that.

A lot of my leftover projects aren’t even a full year old, most of them are pretty recent, but maintaining them has got pretty hard. Specially if you don’t know the original purpose of the project in question. I am not one of those guys that annotates everything that happens, or anything that has to do with a certain thing. I just annotate something, and then completely forget about it, because I don’t open the app, therefore, I would never remember what I needed to do.

Pretty much the same happens with physical agendas, I just forget to open them or to add tasks or homework to them.

Mind

Another thing that I want to talk about is my situation with being bisexual and a femboy.

I don’t know how to “come out” to my parents without making it seem satire. My parents normally don’t take things like that seriously and think that I must be joking or just trying to annoy them.

Because, really, what would you do if your child decides to try to use feminine clothes and like wearing them? What would be your reaction? It surely would be a weird conversation topic with your son, right?

Most important, I have been thinking more and more about becoming transexual. Because if I like to look like a girl, then why can’t I be the girl?

And that would imply a lot of responsibility. Because, you aren’t only messing with your hormones, you are messing with your life.

I have seen way too many cases of self-harm with transexual people, mainly because of gender dysphoria, and I don’t want to hurt myself. But it’s inevitable if you have dysphoria, you can’t easily escape from it.

Things like this must be discussed with caution, especially with your parents, because there have also been cases of parents sending their children to “conversion camps” because they think that being trans is against the “will of God” or something along those lines.

Via the looks of it, those “camps” are really, really sad to see. They do all kinds of things to those who go there against their will, and the parents, the ones who are supposed to take care of their children and support them in whatever they want to be, don’t even tell them about what they do there. It’s truly horrifying and inhumane.

How are you supposed to close an article (if you can even say it) like this one?

I try to say whatever comes to my mind, regardless of whatever I might’ve got wrong. After all, there is a comment section where you, the cute reader, can tell me what I should change or just make some adjustments to the article so that the quality of them stays relatively high.

I would really want to have some sort of donation link somewhere, but sadly I can’t set it up without getting the money under my mom’s bank account. And if it is on my mom’s bank account, and I cannot really do much with it, because she restricted my card to be only local transactions, meaning that I cannot spend nor get money from online sources.

A cool thing that you can do instead is to, well… Spread the word! But that’s up to you. After all, I am not the one making the choice here ;p